Wanna fuck this?

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Nah, bro ain't shaving his chest. Not much hair above the waist, hence no beard. Now that's out of the way, if you are one of the few women left who doesn't hate men, and would like to get dicked by one of us, there are things that will be a deal breaker from get-go as just aggravating.

Here's a non exhaustive list of shit that pretty much guarantees you ain't gonna get dick:

1. You're a feminist. Non-negotiable. The more you'll try to justify your position, the more we'll run away from you like the plague.

2. You have been hit by the vocal fry epidemic... You know, that attempt at talking at such a low frequency that it sounds like unintelligible sounds coming from an alien that smoked all its life. We just don't understand it. So we disconnect. Here's a demo of what vocal fry sounds like.

3. You wear blue eye shadow. Well, we may consider a waiver if you are from Kuntistan (formerly United Kingdom) as we understand you can't help yourself, and you can't cope without blue eye shadow make up. You just can't. 

4. You smoke. If we wanted to fuck an ashtray, we'd do just that.

5. You are vegan, vegetarian, lactose-intolerant, or gluten-intolerant. We live on dairy and meat. Only thought of an idiot who goes against human evolution irritates us.

6. You think we're gonna get our Siberian Huskies off our beds for you... Hahahahahahaha!

7. You expect us to smell like a fag.

8. You expect a date in the city.

9. You aren't an expert cock sucker.

10. You don't swallow (which, sadly, excludes at least one of our followers)!